A Little Fall Air

[merryeccentricities]

Autumn in Milliways is not quite the autumn Joly remembers in Paris, and even less the autumn he remembers from childhood in Auvignon-- but it is decidedly autumn all the same, cool and pleasant enough to inspire him to extend his usual daily walks.


And there's another figure from his Paris walking today , the silhouette unmistakeable--and the gait too. He lifts one hand, and calls out a greeting in a conversational tone. "Marius! Marius Pontmercy!"

Comments

[merryeccentricities]

?
..??


"Certainly!...for what?" Joly is obviously, earnestly, baffled.

[heartbeneathastone]

"For--" His vague sense of embarrassment at having spoken about himself for more than ten seconds? "For-- for going on about-- I am quite well, quite happy, as I have said. I have no-- no cause to complain about what is in the past."

[merryeccentricities]

Joly blinks. "Why-- I certainly think you have as much cause to complain as any one needs! And I shouldn't mind if you didn't, if you ever wanted to." ...Marius one of Joly's best friends is Grantaire.

"But you weren't complaining; I have never heard you complain; I would think you a saint or--or else that you rather thought us all utterly heartless, with how little complaint you make, except that I know better of you." Joly smiles, to show that of course that's silly. Haha, ridiculous!

Nngh. It would be so much easier to say nothing else. Probably Marius would prefer he say nothing else.

...Someone's got to say something, though. Oh well. "--I'd rather you would 'go on'. I don't mean that I want to press, only--only that I would much rather hear you say whatever you please than otherwise. You're a friend; whatever occupies you is interesting,you know, because it does occupy you. That's all."

[heartbeneathastone]

He's definitely blushing brightly now.

"It is not at all interesting, I am sure! And least of all to you-- to any of you, I mean-- who were actually there. Why on earth would you wish to hear the, the half-remembered bits of confusion that I turn about in my mind? And to what end would I speak of them? I do not know why I still think of them, save that I cannot--"

As before, he breaks off, gives his head a little shake. He attempts to muster up a small smile. "As you can see, my thoughts are not as well-ordered as I might wish they were. I am sure it is to everyone's preference that I keep them to myself."

[merryeccentricities]

"Oh, Marius." Joly puts a hand on Marius' arm and leaves it there, this time. " I have never known any man made to forget such things entirely--or to remember them without some sort of pain. And who else can we speak of it to--any of us--except us, who were there? We all carry some of those days with us, and help each other carry them, too- and you should not be the only one to have to carry them alone."

He tries to keep his tone light, but he squeezes Marius' arm, trying to reach him somehow on this. "It's a privilege to share those memories, to share any burdens; it's what we take friends for, isn't it, to claim that share in their troubles? It would never be my preference--not for any of us!-- that you would deny us that privilege, and keep your troubles to yourself."

[heartbeneathastone]

He looks over at Joly.

"Do you?" he asks, and seems quite sincerely surprised to hear it. "Carry them? I had begun to think-- after all this time, to still-- I suppose it must be some-- some weakness in me-- to still, still think of--"

[merryeccentricities]

"--Then I have a double share of that weakness, for it's been twice as long, here, and I still think of it. --And even more than that, because I still think of 1830. And sometimes,sometimes I think of them both at once, and can't pull one away from the other." He shakes his head, not a disagreement, a man shaking away the touch of a spiderweb. And he smiles, serious but not sad. "It is never orderly for me, either; no more than the battles were."

[heartbeneathastone]

"But I-- I can scarcely remember the battle at all!" He laughs a little, but there's a faintly frantic edge to it. "The way a song you only know a few lines of will surely be the one to play itself over and over again in your head-- they no not seem real, the things I do remember, and then I can stand here and speak to you and how can they be--"

He breaks off abruptly once more, suddenly afraid that he is approaching tears. He attempts to transform the tightness in his throat into a polite cough.

"There is no weakness in you, I am very sure of that. Please--" He clears his throat. "Please pardon me, I-- I should-- should find my wife..."

[merryeccentricities]

Well Joly is certainly near tears now. He puts an arm across Marius' back, though without any pressure to restrain.

"no--no there's nothing to ask pardon for, not from me, not from anyone , not for this! It's all right, it is--well, it is bizarre, isn't it, after all-- who ever has had to deal with such matters with quite such a place as this,hey?" He's really not trying to make a joke of it-- Marius doesn't seem the sort-- but it seems important to acknowledge the absurdity.

[heartbeneathastone]

"Well-- well, no one, I expect," he says, still trying to collect himself.

[merryeccentricities]

"That's right, that's right. Marius-- you're not doing wrong for, for this, you know? It's all right, it comes how it comes and it takes the time it takes, that's all."

[heartbeneathastone]

He bows his head and says softly, "That is very kind of you to say."

Then, after a pause, he says haltingly, "If I have given any impression of-- of unease or unhappiness about-- that is, to see and speak to you all, I-- regret it very much."